To Every 10th, 11th and 12th Standard Student

YOU'RE ALL WELL INTO THE SCHOOL YEAR BY NOW

So you have a good idea of what horrors await you over the course of the rest of the year.

10th and 12th students are facing the pressure of board exams and 11th students are having meltdowns over the sudden steep increase in the difficulty level of what they are studying.

I'm going to give each of you separate messages.

DEAR 10 GRADERS,

I'm going to tell you this straight out: if you're in CBSE, you seriously don't have to worry, okay? All you CGPA 10 aimers, please don't stress yourself out. I wasn't even aiming for CGPA 10 when I was in 10th. I was like "I'll just take the ride and do my best" and I was planning on taking commerce group in 11th and 12th. I thought my CGPA would be an 8 or something. I never expected it to cross 9. BUT GUESS WHAT? I got a CGPA 9.4! Which was great! (After that I thought perhaps I can take on science group and chose bio group in 11th and 12th.)

And listen to me when I say that everything you learn this year is actually really easy - yes, even that Carbon And It's Compounds lesson in chemistry. Everything is a piece of cake. Don't let your parents and random aunties, uncles and family members try to pressure you. No, it's not worth it. Yes, CGPA 10 is a excellent score, but it's not worth sacrificing your health and energy over.

Instead, employ this motto: I WILL DO MY BEST IN EVERY TEST! Study and aim for full marks, but don't make that the most important thing. 

And here's a warning for you all: Enjoy this year to the fullest. When you get to 11th, you will be entering REAL hell. Everyone who passes 10th and gets to 11th wishes they were in 10th again. Don't worry about that now; that's next year's headache. For now, enjoy the year. 

DEAR 11TH GRADERS,

Well, you sure were in for a real shock, weren't you? Suddenly you have too much to study, and everything is so hard! Chances are, nobody warned you about this. And you thought 10th was hard!

Listen to me for a second. I know you're in the middle of a meltdown. Everything seems out of your control. You're failing subjects you thought would be interesting and fun to learn. The whole thing is a fiasco, really.

I want you to take a second and just breathe.

It's school tradition, whether you're in CBSE, state board, or whatever, to bring you down in 11th. You may have been a class topper till 10th who passed with CGPA 10 if you're in CBSE, or you may have been an average student like me. Whatever the case, it is school life rite of passage, okay? That's how you have to take this experience. And you know what? It may take a couple of months, or it might even take this entire year, but eventually you will get a hang of this. 

Don't let yourself get depressed over how hard everything is. You'll get it. 

You're probably mad at how boring all the lessons are this year. If you're anything like me, you found the lessons in 10th grade kinda interesting and expected to study some pretty cool stuff in science group in 11th and 12th. But all the lessons in 11th just turned out to be a BIG DISAPPOINTMENT! 

Pro tip on how to get through 11th: You'll trip and stumble, but just go with the flow. Try not to fail, and just hang on till the end of the year. 12th lessons are so much more interesting! Everything is cool and so easy next year! So until then, just hold on.

DEAR 12TH GRADERS,

Well this is it! Your final year of school!!! If you're the senti type like me, you'll have a wave of emotions over every 'last annual day', 'last sports day', last this and last that at school over the course of the year. Otherwise, you'd be waiting to just get everything over with.

Whichever the case, the whole year is basically just one big count down. 

Aside from the pressure again from everyone everywhere about the boards, there's the ADDITIONAL stress of preparing for competitive exams or preparing for college admissions. 

But let's all admit it. The lessons in 12th are interesting. Here's how you go about studying in 12th: QUESTION BANKS. My personal recommendation is Xam Idea. I used that for everything. Physics, chemistry, biology, and even math! I couldn't look into R.D. Sharma at all. It just made me dizzy. But I liked Xam Idea.

But here's something VERY important for you to know in 12th. When you get to the integration chapter in math, practice EVERY single sum in the text book a million times. Every sum has a different method and can only be solved in THAT method, aside from formula application. The whole chapter is literally the WORST, in my opinion. 

Study a bit of every subject every day. If you study a lesson thoroughly ONCE, for the unit tests, then you will have a MUCH easier time during the quarterly, half yearly and pre-boards.

Biology is the easiest in 12th. All bio group students, give me a high five!  

Commerce students, I really don't know how it is for you but I'm assuming you have some tough stuff too to study. So the same rule applies to you: study a bit of everything daily and get each lesson down during the unit tests. Don't procrastinate. You WILL regret it. 

And everyone in 12th.... It's your last year of school life. Enjoy it. Make the best of it. Don't fight with your classmates. Try to come together this one last year, maybe. Try. After 12th, everyone will go their separate ways. Yes, there's facebook and whatsapp and all kinds of technology these days, but in the end nothing compares to walking into class each morning and seeing everyone's faces every day. Going to class together, laughing, joking, teasing each other and ranting about teachers and subjects and lessons... Nothing compares.

And you WILL miss school life.

When you get to the board exams, have faith in yourself. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! You can do this.

When the results come, remember that some things are out of your control. It's okay. 

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

I believe God has a way of bringing us to where we are supposed to be. And life goes on... Maybe it isn't taking the course you imagined, but you have to keep moving forward and find the next route to your goal. There are a million ways to do something. Find your own journey. Maybe you aren't meant to do what you thought you'd do. Maybe something else is your calling. Don't worry. You'll find your way.

GOOD LUCK, EVERYONE!

Messed Up - Part 2

I want to help my friends and those who have suffered depression like I have.

I've made the experience, and I know that there are things that can help you through a horrible night of monsters in your head. First of all: give your monster a name. Winston Churchill called his bipolar disorder to be a "black dog" for example. If the thing inside your head has a name and is no longer a phantom, it decreases the fear of the thing itself, because you know what you face. It's no longer a nameless shadow. You can see the monster now and can discover its weakness. You can curse about it, or tell the thing to leave you alone if it makes you feel better.
If you decide on opening up to a friend, ask them if it's okay if you call them if you feel horrible again.

Valerie: When I had one of my biggest breakdowns in my whole life, I had a friend talking me through the night, and he helped me so much.

I'd also like to bring up the Butterfly project. It helped me resisting the urge to self-harm. My friend Valerie, co-author of this blog post, first told me about it. She told me she drew butterflies for her friends who helped her, and it made her happy too. I told my friend Amna about it and she drew a cat on her arm and named it Jani, after me.

Valerie also did some research and gathered a list of natural anti-depressants, which I would like to share with you.

ANTI-DEPRESSION

FOOD:

1.     Coconut

2.    Greek yogurt

3.     Apples

4.    Dark chocolate

5.    Banana

6.    Grapefruit

7.    Berries (blue, black)

8.     Walnuts

9.    Honey

10. Cashews (2 handfuls per day)

11.    Pumpkin seeds

DRINKS:

1.     Orange juice

2.    Green tea

SCENTS AND OILS:

1.     Grapefruit

2.    Cedar wood

3.     Blue cypress

HABITS:

1.     Sleep enough

2.    Exercise

3.     Eat healthy

·       Omega 3 acid

·       Low fat

4.    No caffeine

5.    No alcohol

6.    Find a way to express yourself

7.    Vitamin B

Guys… I’ve told you all about depression and its reasons and how to help yourself and your friends, but now it’s time for a personal message from me.

I know the pain. I know the yearning to cease existing and the desire to die. I know the fruitless efforts to be happy. I know the feeling of thinking I’m not pretty enough or not good enough t be in this world, to feel like an alien that does not belong anywhere.

I know.

I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and find at least ONE thing you like about yourself. Start loving it. Every morning, find one thing you are proud of about yourself – your eyes, your skin tone, your laugh, your taste in music, your hair, your dreams or anything. You feel like you’re an alien that doesn’t fit in anywhere? WELCOME TO MY WORLD! That’s been my situation since forever. But today, I like myself for that. I like being different. Today, I say “Don’t call me weird. I prefer the word eccentric!” I’ve understood that me being myself has brought so much light into people’s lives. You can’t predict or expect these thigs, but you never know what you are actually capable of just by being who you are in all its rawness. Start loving yourself. You need to… You’re the only one in this world who knows yourself in and out, and you need to marvel at how far you’ve come. Marvel at your strength – you are still alive today. Look at how much you’ve survived!

You’re beautiful.

Hold on to your dreams. They’re worth fighting for. Life has a way of dishing out the unexpected. So wait for the right time.

If you feel like cutting yourself or harming yourself in any way, please, for me, think about this: You are the LAST person in this entire universe who should be hurting yourself. Your body has been entrusted to you and your soul to keep safe, to take care of. You cannot betray yourself this way. Please don’t… You are the last person who should hurt yourself. Don’t do it. You are stronger than this. You know it. Why should you inflict more pain on yourself. The only thing that kept me from suicide and self-harm was fear of pain.

Instead, do what I did. I found an outlet through writing songs and poetry, and it’s made me feel so much better. Don’t just keep the stuff you write to yourself. Share it. Because sometimes it could turn into beautiful pieces of work that could bring tears to people’s eyes. Your feelings matter. They deserve to be known. You are one of tens of millions of people on this earth and one of the products of evolution. There is no mistake. You are the way you are for a reason, and you are just as important a person as anyone else. You matter. To your friends, your family, and the people who know you, you matter.

Consider life a challenge. Push yourself and take on the world, just to come out victorious.

It’s said in Hindu mythology that everyone has a 7 year period of bad luck in their life. Perhaps that’s what you’re going through.  I’ll bet that’s what it is. But listen to me for a minute. LIFE GETS BETTER. I know it, I’ve felt it. I never thought I’d find myself where I am today. But happiness will only find you if you keep searching for it. So smile, be yourself, laugh and make the best of every day.

Some days are bad, I know. Some days you just wonder why you woke up in the morning. But you know what? Every day has a high point and a low point. Focus on the high point, and tell yourself there needs to be balance. Be thankful for the little things, the small happinesses in your life.  You saw something that made you smile. You made your friend laugh. You did well on a test at school. You saw your crush at school today. You saw a butterfly and appreciated nature for a minute. The little things can make such a difference when you appreciate them.

Stress from school can get unbearable at times. The last two years of high school are especially hellish. But good friends will always help you get through it. Ranting helps sometimes. It helps to indulge in books and anime. It helps you forget your own problems and visit another world. Keep an hour a night aside for this, and keep it as a reward fro getting through the day! It’s a relaxation as well as a reward. It helps destress so much!

LAUGH every day. Laugh at something stupid. Laugh at the world. It doesn’t matter, just laugh!  Smile, because you never know how much it could help someone else, and people will do the same for you. BE THE SUNSHINE YOU NEED IN YOUR LIFE. And if you can, be the sunshine other people need too. You never know how much good you can do in this world. People will automatically do the same for you, eventually. And this is how we help each other.

I want you to know this. I may not know who you are.  May not know your struggles at all. But regardless of that, I know that each of us were made strong enough to bear whatever pain comes our way. So I’m going to tell you this final message:

HOLD ON. YOU CAN DO THIS. I BELIEVE IN YOU!

*Hugs* I know you will survive, and when you finally start seeing better days, the sun will shine so much brighter. That’s when you’ll know just how strong you are.

Believe in yourself.

I believe in you.

By,

Ranjani and Valerie

Messed Up - Part 1

A recent realization I’ve had is that too many people I know are messed up. Too many friends of mine are depressed and feel inadequate. Even I’m messed up.

For some reason, today’s world of a progressive society that aims at accepting and incorporating all groups of people into it, has seemed to romanticize conditions where people are messed up. Depression, insecurities, inferiority complexes, not trusting anyone, suicidal tendencies, and more… It is as painful to watch a friend suffer from being messed up as it is to be messed up yourself.

And we’re all a little messed up in this world, in varying ways and degrees.

In this post, I seek to address the ways people are messed up. It is often a combination of a few of these together in a person.

INSECURITIES:

This is the most common thing found in almost every teenager. Sometimes even preteens feel insecure. This is often coupled with an inferiority complex. The evil in this is that we never feel we’re good enough. We’re not pretty enough, we hate our bodies, and we hate our personalities. No matter what anyone says to us, we feel like we’re below them. We want to be like other people.

I’ve always thought I was never pretty. I’ve always hated myself. I feel good when someone says I’m pretty but I never accept it and brush it off that they’re just being nice to me.  Today though, after having brilliant friends like I found in the past two years, I’ve started to feel good about some aspects of myself. But the insecurities are always there. I almost envy other people around me all the time, wishing I were more like them.

FRIENDSHIP ISSUES:

Another common problem is that many of us feel like we don’t have friends – real friends. The reasons for this are that we’ve always been lonely, everyone hates us, we’ve been backstabbed and lost those we thought were true friends, we’ve never fit in anywhere in any friend circle, and more.

I’ve always felt lonely. My best friend said he lost all his old friends when someone started rumors about him that everyone believed. True friends shouldn’t have believed the rumors. But he has me, and a handful of other friends who stayed. We’re the real friends.

STRESS:

Ah, yes, of course this was going to be on the list. Stress and pressure from all sides – parents, school and teachers, society… We can’t cope with it all. Sometimes there’s just too much. And I get that everyone goes through this, and that it’s a part of growing up and part of life, but sometimes it leaves people broken up.

Expectations:

In my opinion the worst things we have to face these days are the expectations everybody throws upon us. Functioning. Studying. No Complaining. Getting along with everyone. I've never been good at it. Sometimes there's a switch flipped in my brain that pushes off any good ideas or thoughts. On these days I can't function. I'm no use. I have to keep myself together to not start crying and put on the mask of the rebel girl that just doesn't want to fit in. Many people are annoyed with rebel attitudes, but they don’t understand what’s going on in the person’s mind and that they rebel out of self-defense.

A friend once told me: When I come home, my parents expect me to help my siblings with their school work, or want me to help in the kitchen or in the garden. I have lots to do because of school. My mind is messed up and I don't know how I'm able to stand. But still they tell me to participate here, I shouldn't be so lazy. These are the things hurting the most. That people tell you to do what they want you to, without knowing how bad you actually feel.

TRUST ISSUES:

Some people have natural trust issues. They have a wall up around them. You can’t classify them as introverts or extroverts because both types of people can have trust issues.

LOVE LIFE:

Last but not the least, people are messed up because of their messed up love life. Every kind of problem one can have – unrequited love, breakups, bad relationships, betrayals and being cheated on, being hurt and emotionally preyed on… Any of these things can mess a person up too. It isn’t just these on the list though; for some people they themselves are the issue, because there are some people who cannot let themselves feel anything in a relationship, as much as they want to. It’s almost like self-manipulation.

Messed up people end up with depression, suicidal thoughts and/or tendencies, and horrible habits of self-injury.

DEPRESSION:

Depression is not just sadness. It is a vortex of despair. No matter how happy a person may seem on the outside, you can’t tell just how badly they’ll want to die.  We want to feel happy, but we can’t because everything is making us sad. And we feel like nothing we do is ever enough. The worst thing is depression can be because of one thing or many things. The reasons vary and affect people in all kinds of ways and degrees. Everybody seems to have depression these days. It is found at an alarming rate in high school and college students. Not only that, but somehow there are a handful of people who think it’s cool to be a depressed emo – and to those people, let me tell you from personal experience that not all depressed people are emo, and depression is not a prize or something. It is not a great achievement. It is a horrible disease that brings nothing but misery that will drag you down, no matter how many times you try to get out of it. It takes time to overcome it, so talking to a depressed person ONCE is not going to help for very long.

SUICIDE:

I was a great actor so nobody really knew how often I actually considered suicide two to three years ago when I was in tenth grade. The wanting to die, to disappear from existence, to vanish and never return, is a constant visitor in the minds of the depressed. I used to call myself a walking, talking disaster. We are like bombs ready to explode at any minute. We think death would be great, we think heaven is a better place. We think life cannot get better and we do not deserve to live. The voices in our heads say horrible things to us. Fighting back can bring us down to fragility. But suicide is not bravery, as addressed in the Divergent series; it is cowardice.

SELF HARM:

This is a taboo topic in today's world. I have friends who do this. None of their friends noticed without them telling them though. People who practice self-harm develop their own technique to prevent leaving scars behind that could tell anyone they cut themselves. People who practice self-harm don't necessarily cut themselves. Scratching off your skin or banging you head against a wall until you have a headache counts too. Some people want to talk about their problems and some don't. If you want to help a friend, you have to calculate whether it's a good idea to just confront them or to ask them more subtly. Sometimes it's a good idea to just ask them and tell them directly because they can't tell other people, even their friends, about their problems easily. Sometimes all they need is a hug. If you have a friend who hurts him-/herself, just make sure he/she knows that you want to help and you want to listen. Also: don't play with their trust. If a person with self-injury problems tells you about it, keep your promise to keep it for yourself. As a person who’s heard so many friends tell me they cut themselves, I am honored that they trust me enough to tell me, and at the same time horrified that they would go cause themselves even more pain and scar their beautiful and handsome bodies. It hurts me and worries me a lot. That’s especially why I always talk to them and tell them to talk to me whenever they feel like cutting themselves. I myself have wanted to die, but I have never attempted cutting myself because I have a fear of pain. I also know that the last person who should harm me is me. I cannot betray myself by cutting myself. I tell the same thing to my friends who cut, and sometimes it helps but other times, sadly, it is not enough, because self-injury is like a drug in itself. One becomes addicted to sliding that silver blade across their papery skin until it shines of maroon red, digging deeper and deeper into soft flesh. I once ended up blackmailing my best friend into stopping, and it’s only ended up help control his cutting fetishes. I have spent days at school with my head back in a text conversation, worried about my friends so much. I really want to help them.

I have gathered some comments from people I know about depression to share with you today, so that people can understand better what it’s like for them.

Mukund: Depression makes different kinds of people – the lonely, aggressive, patient, and mad.

Badam: I hate people who hurt themselves in the name of depression. If I see any of my friends doing that, I slap them. I can’t bear to see them doing that to themselves and they need to snap out of it.

Alice Tyle: Parents’ lack of attention destroys their children. The environment can make a huge difference – a violent one will scar the child for life. Parents and teachers MUST show affection towards children and hide their frustrations. Multiple things lead a person to suicide. The biggest reason is lack of love and hatred in its place.

Anonymous: I got depressed because all my faults were being pointed out and it came to the point where I felt like I was being defined by my failures. I was a person who took everyone’s opinion into account. When you get messed up because of a combination of things, you slowly get into drugs, binge eating, cutting yourself, etc. In the long run, it stops working when you still feel numb and at that point you either end up harming yourself subconsciously or do it because you like it and it’s become an addicting habit now. In extreme cases it leads to death.

Ricky: Hey, you broken heart lonely person. Damn, it’s hard right? People telling you to "get over it", "you are gonna be okay" and "happens with everyone". Nobody gets you right? I know each person has a different type of heartbreak but in the end it all comes to the point where you keep moving on in life and smile. It happened with me. Million others too! So. Don’t. Die. On. Me. Live for me and love again for me.

Anonymous: The world is depressing. We’re not diseased, we just feel everything. I’m the way I am because I know what’s out there, and it’s scarier than not knowing.

Divya: Depression for me was finding solace in the cold blade and not being able to stand up in the shower. It's a different hell for everyone. But remember don't let your struggle become your identity. Fight.

Anonymous: Okay so I feel like depression is a topic that goes unmentioned a lot of the time - especially in a place like India. Mental illness is an important issue that needs to be treated, but the only way we can is if we remove the taboo placed on it.

Maryam: What I think is the major issue here in our society is that people deny realizing the fact that depression is just as serious as any other deadly disease. Just because you can see cancer symptoms on the physical body while depression affects a person psychologically or mentally doesn’t mean depression doesn’t deserve to be treated with the same concern. 



STOP being depressed and START being "awesome" - Barney, How I Met Your Mother
Read part 2 of this post to find out how to help yourself and depressed friends.