The Origin

Today I’ll tell you all a story.

I fell for a guy, and he didn’t like me back. Nearly every poem I’ve written has been for him. The best stories, the romantic tales that could be anyone’s daydreams are just that – my own daydreams, published here on my blog. The sad pieces I’ve written and posted are none other than my painful thoughts that have been described in words not sufficient enough to express them, but still bring tears to some eyes.

This guy’s name will remain a secret, but I would like to discuss something here.

I tell my story like I’m the heroine and he’s the villain, I heard. But I never once sold him out. I never once said I hated him – how can I, when I am irrevocably in love with him? He’s smart and sweet, and till this moment not a day has gone by without his thought. I have prayed for him and made wishes at 11:11 for him, because that is said to be a magical time to make wishes.

I never said he’s the villain. He isn’t.

I am.

I came into his life, without warning, like he came into mine, and I fell for him. He told me to stay away and I didn’t. I loved him, he didn’t reciprocate.

I sobbed to my friends. I was sad for over a year, maybe 2 years and counting. The way I tell it, I appear as a victim. And perhaps I am – I have been insulted by him and hated by him just because I care about him with all my heart. But he isn’t the bad guy, I am.

I could not control my heart, and still cannot.  But he is not at fault. Honestly, I have every reason to hate him and yet I still love him and care about him.

I didn’t want school to end because I would never see him again. He told me to stop talking to him. It’s been over two months since I last spoke with him. He is happy school’s over – he never has to see me again. But the last poem I posted tells you that all I wish for is to see him once more.

If one runs through my blog, one can find out how things had progressed, and how I had felt. This blog itself was started to keep my mind off him last year, in March 2015, after he rejected me. It soon evolved into the place I publish my poetry, my stories, my daydreams… He is the origin of this blog, and the endless source of my inspiration.

Today, I want to tell you, who is reading this right now, that love is something that happens unexpectedly. It is a feeling where you care so much about a person, and the deeper it is, the harder it is to get over that person. Heartbreaks happen. It is either the case that both are at fault, or neither is. Both are victims and both are villains. One cannot control one’s feelings – whether you love someone or hate someone. When this happens to you, talk to your friends. Talk to me, even, because I know how much it helps to have someone to listen. When this happens to your friends, hear both sides of the story. Sometimes nothing can be done. In that case, let the one who is hurting so on your shoulder. Talk to them, and let them pour their heart out. Then try to divert their attention to something happy and fun. Give them time – don’t get mad at them for not getting over the person who broke their heart. Do not hate the person who just didn’t feel anything towards his or her lover. The heart abides by no logic. The heart is simply too difficult to control.

Remember: both are victims and both are villains.

Everyone has a reason for coming into your life. I see this boy I fell for as a lesson – because of him, I have learned what it is to love someone, and to feel numbing pain when my heart is broken, and to keep loving him. I have learned just how strong and how weak I can be. I have learned to put my feeling in words and because of that I have some of my best poetry and best stories thanks to him. I believe that is why I met him, and I thank him for that.

If destiny deems it fit, you will find the person you are meant to be with.

What Destiny Brings:

Destiny will bring me

Infinite surprises,

Vague warnings and signs,

And sorrows and joys,

Knowing I can’t change fate,

And things happen for a reason,

Reasons to which my eyes are blind.

Thank you, batman. I hope you have a great life. Have fun in college, and I hope you never get your heart broken. I will always love you, darling.